My Purple Life

So, since I got a blog, I guess, I should probably blog!

This past year has been very interesting. I was in the full swing of my junior year in high school. During that year, I was determined to pass the two hardest classes I had ever had with an A. I did, but they weren't easy. That is how I work. I can do things, and do them well, but I have to put lots of valuable time and effort and sanity into them. I am not a math person. But, unfortunately, you do math everyday of your life, and there is no escaping it. You use English, when you write a post or letter to some one using complete sentences. Science, is helpful, to know how things and animals and people and gravity work. The sad part about all of this is, that you spend your best years, stuck in a book, doing homework and working for grades, which at times for me seems utterly and completely pointless.

 Life is all about relationships. And it stinks like rotten eggs when you can't completely invest in them until you are out of college. But then you get married, move away, and move on. Life goes on. You change, and your friends change, and your surroundings change. Your family changes. The world changes. Some people look at change, as if it were an adventure, an unknown, waiting to be explored. Not me. I hate change. I hate when people leave, and don't come back. I hate when you go from care free and innocent, to needing to know what happens in the world, so you aren't naive and vulnerable. I hate the uncertain. I like being in control of the situation. I love having a list, a plan.  I love living life, and not worrying about growing up, going to college, and doing something new. I love being secure, knowing how things are going to go, having a schedule.
The things I love, only last briefly. Life goes on. There will be change, there will be stability. There will be moments when life is the best it has ever been, and moments where I want to cry till there are no more tears. And so much has happened, that tears just come. and I want to be strong. I want to be tough. I want to grasp the challenges and hurdles, and launch over them with no problem. But I am not tough. I am weak. I am easily stressed and frightened. I am easily discouraged, or doubtful. The times when I am happiest, are the times, when I am where my heart is. With the people I love, with the Home I love, completely secure and unafraid.

All the questions that aren't answered, all the plans that I am not given, all of my future, that I can't see, is scary, and I am not a fan of scary.
 So, God made it less scary. He doesn't change. The most reliable Being, is never going to change. He is not going to move on from me. He isn't going to change His plan for me. He knows, and that is so much better than no one knowing. So.

I am not in control. No, that's not always awesome, but I would botch it up if I were. I am not going to completely move on though, from everything I have ever known, because memories are important to me. People are important to me. But even if I go to college, marry someone and have a new life, a new identity, I will still be me. My friends and I won't lose contact. I won't let that happen. My family and I might be separated for a little while, bet never for long. My home, is and always will be here. And the absolute best thing, is our eternally long summer break from school, from evil, from dilemmas, from separation, and uncertainty. That is why it is called Heaven. because there, all my frustrations and tears will be wiped into oblivion, never to be heard of again.
So Way to go God, for never changing. You are the bomb. <3